erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
The best walk of shames are on the highway
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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