he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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