I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
