You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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