I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
