Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
