she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
