i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize