went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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