is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize