I met the friendliest cop last night
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
