Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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