Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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