It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
