I think my fart just growled at me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
