If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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