last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
