what day is it and did you see me today?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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