the new term for farting is butt boxing.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just want nice things and good sex
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize