So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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