No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
