I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
