just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
