It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
