I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
