Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
