Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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