I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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