I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
