What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize