Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
