Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
