i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have aggressive nipples.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
