You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
