Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
