Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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