Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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