we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
