I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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