Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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