I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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