Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
