So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he puts the penis in happiness.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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