i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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