I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize