I am in a vortex of obligation.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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