your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
