Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
