Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize