I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
