i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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