Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
