how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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