Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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