I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
