I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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