check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
