Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
