highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
