Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
