I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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