She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
