Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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