Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
