i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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