You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
