Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
